August 29, 2004

one week and counting until i turn 21. maybe finally my social life will take flight. all my friends have been able to drink for at least a year, meaning i've been left out of hitting up bars and clubs. finally, finally i'm a part of it. feels like a good time to release the news about my new relationship. i think if i finally allow myself to accept there is someone else in my life i can get the much needed closure from my not so perfect past relationships. after next weekend i'll announce it if i see fit. it's kind of exciting. school starts in a day. i can't wait. my schedule is tight but i have allowed myself ample time for fun and studying. my last year will prove to be my best! i'm hoping to graduate this year so i can get ahead of my friends and my enemies. and the less time in maine is obviously better. after this year i will no longer be stuck in the stupid college mindset. college students are so juvenile if you think about it.

August 28, 2004

the word hurricane was a name given to nature's strongest storm
a hurricane occurs when a high pressure and low pressure masses of air come in contact with one another
there is often a significant difference in temperature between the two masses
one mass is warm while the other is cold
the warmer air rises and the cooler air falls
likewise the low pressure area slides down the sides of the high pressure area
they swirl in and around one another creating the beginnings of the storm

-the word hurricane
air

today was a hard day. i can't forget.

August 24, 2004

My ass is asleep. I'm sitting outside and it's getting pretty chilly. The metal railing i'm sitting on isn't showing me any mercy either. I got my computer back today. Somehow mysteriously it was inside my apartment. I think my landlord put it inside. Kind of creepy but a nice gesture. I can only hope he wasn't watching me sleep. Although a lot has been going on to keep my spirits surfaced, I am, for the most part, surviving quite well. I'm getting brand new bay windows for my apartment, a new toilet seat and a new car. My parents have done most of the searching because they seem to think it's their decision. Narrowed down to a Sunfire, Cavalier or another Neon. Poop goes the Neon. No way. Guess I'll have to keep my dreams of getting a Tacoma on hold until I can better afford it. Bummer. My bunny really smells. Random I know. Cops are racing by me to go bust someone's unsuspecting ass. haha. Sometimes it's fun to watch. Maybe I should get a police scanner and be one of those people who doesn't leave their house just in case something good happens. Naw, I don't have the time.
I was just recently diagnosed with a disease/disorder that explains the past few years of my life. Now I'm working avidly at trying to overcome it and get a grip on something more solid, like health. It's hard to explain the disease...you can't catch it. It's pretty much just raiding all levels in my body that are supposed to be low and lower all levels that are supposed to be high. Slowly killing me...Guess it's been happening for 3 years now and they just caught it. Wonderful. Go modern day medicine! I'm not letting it get me down though. Instead I'm taking strength from it. I've overcome everything else thrown in my way, why not this rather large speedbump? That's all for now. My computer is dying and Apple forgot to send me my power adapter back. Bastards:) Love to all who deserve it. Peace.

August 11, 2004

a few days and counting. i'll be watching. will you?

summer olympics 2004, Ian Crocker, father of my future children. Just kidding. Watch and be amazed!
I said "I love you" to him. Why? I feel like I had a very good reason to say it. But why did he make me feel like I didn't? Like I was just being annoying again? Today I was heading to see Phish in Mass. I was all ready. I even drew a fish on my back window. Then, about 30 miles or so from the concert I got into a fairly bad car accident. One that wrecked my car and sent me to the hospital. I thought I was going to die. Even though I knew I was alive, it was pretty close. My seatbelt broke so that the only thing to stop me from going into the windshield was my steering wheel. Now I have an imprint of the steering wheel in my chest. For the time being. Just a bruise the doctor said. It was very close to being at least a three car pileup. It only ended up being mine and another. Nothing happened to his car...he was on his way to see Phish. He got to go:( So between everything thats happening lately and me almost dying today, I said "I love you" to him. Does that make me a bad person? Being in difficult situations makes one put everything into perspective. It can freak you out all you want it to, but I still won't take back what I said. At that particular time, if I did die, at least you would have known the truth. I am still in love with you. I need rest.

August 08, 2004

My computer died:( My brand new iBook. I wonder why people love Macs? Just kidding. I just received the mutt of the litter. Hopefully I'll have my new one up and running before school starts. I can't believe school is starting soon. It seems like I just stopped taking classes and then I get thrown back into it. I will be staying at UMO for another semester at least. I have a shit load of Com classes so the semester should be fairly easy. Then I'm off to Italy for awhile. I got a roundtrip ticket but I might not use it, depending on how much I love being away from Maine. Chances are, I'll like it a lot!
Things are going well here in Maine. I'm keeping busy as to keep my mind off of things. I'm heading for a mini holiday tomorrow night. Camping with a few friends, then heading to see Phish in Mass. I know a lot of people who would kill me to get my ticket, haha. I can't wait, it should be a fantastic time. Then I'm going to Providence to hit up some clubs with my girl Chrissy. Then back through Mass to hang out with Chad. All in all, it should be an awesome time.
Bottom line kids: I'm doing well. Excited to be alive and excited about what the world has to offer me. Is this the same Ali? Yah I think so! I'm finally back and doing fantastic!!!
Peace:)

August 04, 2004

I'm sitting at a computer that is probably 15 years old. I am almost 21 years old. My sister is 25 years old. Her husband is 29. And Nan, dear Nan is 72. I'm at the hospital. I'm in Portland, my third trip down in three days. Because I love her. Because in 72 years she has touched so many people. She has made many smile. She is making me smile today. I think about this computer and how many people have emailed family and friends through it. I think about my sister, and how in her short 25 years she has made a lot of friends, enemies, been married, been seperated, been lonely, been loved. Her husband, Jeff, is the same way. Then lastly I think about me. I'm almost 21 but I feel like my life has been rich. Then I think about Nan. She is 50 years older than me. I'm excited. Even though she is slowly slipping away from us, she is teaching me a fantastic lesson. Live to love. Grab onto the things you hold dear. Give with your heart not your wallet, or your mind, or anything else. If you give with your heart it is then you will feel alive. I look at how many people stand around her bed, how many people love her. She is blessed. We are all losing her but more importantly we all had her. Therefore we are all blessed just as equally. So this is for Nan. Patricia Fowler. One of the greatest women I have ever met. I am happy to say she has been a part of my life. Even though she won't be around with us much longer, she will always be in our hearts. Live to love. Because when it boils down to it, when your last day comes, what else is really going to matter? Nothing.