maybe....why?


when you say love is a simple chemical reaction
can't say i agree
cuz my chemical left me a beautiful disaster
still love's all i see


when will my scar be tattooed?


yah they talk about her
she smiles like she's so tough
she says, "hey can you talk a little louder?
I don't think my heart is broken enough."

i won't allow you to...
tattoo
over my reality.

I really don't know what to say. Some crap is going down in my house. I'm bewildered. Apparently three of my roommates hate me, and hate living with me. I know, it's got to be tough. I clean the house without complaining. I do the yard work, without complaining. I do the dishes when they are too lazy to empty the dishwasher. I take them out to ice cream. I have the smallest room in the house so everyone can have enough room. I let them be late on bills so that they can afford them better. I have to cover it until I get their money of course. I'm never usually home and when I am, I'm not downstairs because they are always watching tv. I'm always in my room doing homework or watching my tv. Yes I have asked them to do stuff like, don't make a fire in the fireplace when you aren't going to watch it, unplug the toaster when you are done(personal fears of fire), and recycle if you think of it. So I know I have to talk to them to hear their side of the story, but I'm sure it's going to be a lot of covering their ass. I've lost a lot of respect. I've lost a lot of trust. And quite frankly I don't give a fuck anymore. This whole situation just makes me want to move to Austin even sooner. At least my roommate down there would never lie to me. I guess I'm mostly hurt by the whole thing. I really thought that Jo and I had become close and dare I say I considered him to be one of my good friends. Now come to find out he doesn't like me and has been apparently pretending the entire time. That gets my blood boiling. Makes me want to rip my hair out. Everyone says they are about peace and love, I don't fucking believe it. Can you tell I'm bitter?:)

The end of the semester is happening in full swing. I couldn't believe it but I blinked for a just a second, when I reopened my eyes, it was spring. Professors consider it funny I believe to pile on so much shit at the end of the semester. Like it's our fault they went so damn slow during the beginning. Have to make it all fit!
Our clock on the stove is set to 4:20. It never moves. The guys think it's hilarious. Gives them an excuse to smoke anytime of the day. It's really 10:00am, but the stove says 4:20 man. Sweet. haha
Going to the bangor YMCA. It's just like any other gym, just different faces. It doesn't seem to be as many college age students which is fine with me. I don't like fellow college kids looking at me while I try to achieve my personal goal. Yah i know, it doesn't matter what they think. HA!
I thought I was ready to post something but then I just realized I'm really just putting off writing a paper for my 11:00 class. Guess maybe I should get started on that. Maybe...

This week I have been swimming quite a bit. I am going Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 11-1. I am trying really hard to get back into it but it's a slow process. I am swimming hard workouts for like 45 minutes then doing drill stuff for another 45. I am really more out of shape than I thought. Three times this week I have gone for a walk in the morning. I am doing part of the Airline, then all of parkway North, then coming home. It's only 2 miles but I keep a pretty good pace and I'm planning to up it in a couple weeks. Maybe I will start jogging soon? haha, most likely not:) Also, today I brought the bike out of hiding. I biked to the boat launch down the road, only a mile and a half. Going there was pretty easy, just hurt my ass a little bit. But the way home...holy shit. I couldn't even make it up the hills. Which are not big hills. So I realized I need to get my quads in better shape, and my lungs. Swimming really works my calfs, but not the quads. And I felt it today! So anyway I walked my bike up the hills, but I'm planning on working on it everyday. My goal for the next two weeks is just to make it that 3 mile loop without stopping. Sounds easy enough, but it's a good goal for me. Gabe just did a bike race 17.6 miles. Hahahahahaha. I would freakin' die:)
so the next two weeks I am going to swim 3 days a week, walk 2 miles everyday and get that biking taken care of! I'm pretty excited about the new activities. I am also going to use the racket that Gabe got me like 2 years ago for the first time and playing tennis with my friend Katie at some point. Hopefully the weather keeps up with me. It's been so beautiful so far!!
I have a nice tan going on right now. I got a great base in Austin and being in the sun so much this week has already made me pretty dark. Kayaking starts soon and that will help quite a bit!
Okay I'm tired and I'm going to bed.