I have very mixed emotions right now.

1/2 feeling bad for myself, 1/2 feeling empowered.

let me explain. but don't think i'm dumb..i just need to vent.

i have always been "the fat kid" or as I prefer it, the overweight kid. haha. anyway. i have battled my weight my entire life. when i moved home last winter i lost roughly 40-50 pounds. i was feeling terrific about myself. then one day, someone called me fat again. here i am, 50 pounds lighter and still being called fat. granted i had a long way to go, but still. it really hurt.

i gained some of the weight back because i got depressed. and for those of you who know me at all you know i battle PCOS and that in itself makes it incredibly difficult for me to lose any weight. but easy enough to put on.

last week a new guy started at work. beautiful man, but not only that, a wonderful person. he just graduated college and is now a high school teacher. we hit it off right away. like immediate best friends. we have the same sarcasm and the same morals, etc.

tonight we went out to the bar for a little get together before i move up north. he was terrific! we had so much fun.

but please tell me. what is it about me that guys just look over me. yes, i am overweight. but i have a pretty good reason why, if you would only listen. i have a beautiful face(not to sound cocky). i have a personality. i have goals. i can talk politics. i can talk about enviornmental issues. i can talk about the news, music, movies, etc. you name it. i'm not a stupid person.

YET my wonderful new friend looks right over me and focuses on the skinnest girl in the room who probably couldn't even tell you who our president is.

AH!!!

and don't say well that's the kind of guy that doesn't deserve you then, ali. because i think that's just bullshit.

sorry about the rambling...i just can't help it!

I GOT THE HOUSE!!!

My new mailing address is..

Ali Simonds
522 N. Main Street
Brewer, Maine 04412


Can you believe it?

YIPPEEE!!!!

I start moving in on Monday and then I'll be completely gone by Sunday the 31st.
I can't wait to get out of Winslow. Wish I was moving to Portland but my living situation is going to be pretty kickass.

i'm busy! i'm going crazy! i have no time for me, let alone anyone else. but i have to do so much before i leave in 9 days!!

first i have to finish the loki press kit online and in paper form. i have to get everything for the next couple weeks settled and the guys back on track. hard task:)

second i have to really find a house. i think we have one. it's on n. main street in brewer and it's gorgeous!!! one of our roommates is kinda freaking out because we decided to get it without her seeing it. BUT she said when we started the search that she trusted our opinion. AND we took pictures of it. come on now. it's beautiful. would i live in anything but?

third i have to pack up all my shit. didn't think that would be too big of a task until I actually started doing it. i thought i got rid of everything!! guess not

fourth, i have to hang out with all of my friends because they are all too lazy to make an hour trip north to see me. go figure:) i think i'll kill two birds with one stone and have them come over to help me pack. haha.

i'm sure there is more i have to do. but thankfully it is escaping me at this moment. shit.

i'm going to see charlie and the chocolate factory tonight. i'm wicked excited!

enough for now.

RYAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!

two posts..two days. something must be wrong you say.

my mom got rushed to the hospital today. her heart sent an abnormal surge of blood to her brain.

i'm pretty scared.

My eyes are opened wide. My bed is covered with boxes, papers, and clothes. Sleep sounds good but I don't really see it coming anytime in my future. It's already July 12. I'm moving in 18 days and I have no idea where I am moving to, or how I'm going to afford it. My life never stops surprising me!

I haven't posted in awhile because I went through a phase where I couldn't stand my parents computer. My computer hasn't been able to connect and ryan's landlord shut off his wireless. Damn him. My words flowed a lot easier when Ryan was around.

Speaking of Ryan. We had a rough month. My progress since I've moved home has slowed down and I somewhat blame it on him. That may not sound fair but being around someone 24/7 that has no motivation to even get out of the house really dampens your spirit. Luckily I was able to catch myself before I completely fell into that wicked routine. I removed myself from him, took a few steps back, and refocused on what was really important. I still love him, obviously. We are doing much better now. I was able to figure out a way to easily balance the busy activity of my life and his settled lifestyle. Wow!


My parents. Where shall I start. Another falling out, which shouldn't be surprising. My mom had the nerve to look me in the face and say, "I don't know why you are bothering going back to college anyway. You're not going to amount to anything whether you have a degree or not. All you are going to do is put yourself further into debt." HOW FREAKIN' LOVELY!!!!!!!!!!!! reminds me of a song i haven't heard in awhile...

"had a 45 he always cleaned saying one day, one day, one two many days."
JUST KIDDING

They do piss me off though.

Enough about them, the thought just makes me want to vomit.

Yes, I went to Bonnaroo. I will give a brief overview since we did way to much to type. First night we stayed in Philadelphia. The next morning we went to see my aunt in the hospital. That afternoon we left for tenn. We didn't think we could make it all the way but I decided to put about 10 red bulls back and booked it 15 hours straight to Tennessee. We landed at about 4am, 40 minutes east of Nashville. In the morning we went to Nashville and checked it out for quite awhile. It was pretty cool but it was the weekend of the CMA awards or something so it was crazy packed. The next 4 days was dedicated souly to music and dancing. Here's a list of who we saw:

Dave Matthews Band
Citizen Cope
Trey Anastasio
Allison Krauss
Xavier Rudd
Black Crowes
Jack Johnson
Perpetual Groove
Gabby La La
Les Claypool
Herbie Hancock
Bela Fleck
Mike Gordon
Widepread Panic
Yonder Mountain String Band
Keller Williams

It was pretty kickass. I got to meet Citizen Cope and hang out with them. Dream come true? YUP!!!

After the day o' citizen cope, we headed to Indy, where there were twister warnings. Crazy! We crashed at Jeff Smith's(my bro-in-law). The next morning Dawn and I walked around Indy for a few hours waiting for Jeff to get out of work. Then when he did we headed into town to get my first tattoo!!! I got the dave matthews band fire dancer on my back. It's pretty sweet!! Then to ease my pain we went out drinking. We went to the Slippery Noodle and then one other place. I got wasted. We headed to Jeff's brother's apartment after that and stayed up with them until 7am. Dawn and I crashed until about 2pm then we headed back on the road for Michigan. Saw lake michigan then booked it into Canada where we spent the night in a very expensive hotel because the thought up putting up my tent again sickened me! The next morning we headed to Niagara Falls. Spent a few hours there and headed to my gram's house in Vermont. We made unbelievable time and rested the night with my gram before heading back to maine the following afternoon. Phewf! That's it.

Okay, so...my aunt. She is currently in Atlanta, GA at the Shepard Center. It is supposedly one of the best rehab centers in the world. She seems to be accepting the treatment very well and there is even talk about her going home within the next few weeks. My family is amazing..I can't really think of any other words.

My brother just called to wake up my mom to tell her he landed safely in Germany. He is there for 3 years. Adios! It's nice that he is someplace that isn't dangerous and isn't close to me.

Man, I'm a bitch tonight:) It's been a long day.

So anyway, days ahead...find a house, work my tail off, hang out with Ryan, get drunk with Chuck at camp, go to manitou to visit my crew, loki is playing at mainely brews on friday...and that's pretty much it.

peace to all who need it...love to all those who deserve it.