I have very mixed emotions right now.
1/2 feeling bad for myself, 1/2 feeling empowered.
let me explain. but don't think i'm dumb..i just need to vent.
i have always been "the fat kid" or as I prefer it, the overweight kid. haha. anyway. i have battled my weight my entire life. when i moved home last winter i lost roughly 40-50 pounds. i was feeling terrific about myself. then one day, someone called me fat again. here i am, 50 pounds lighter and still being called fat. granted i had a long way to go, but still. it really hurt.
i gained some of the weight back because i got depressed. and for those of you who know me at all you know i battle PCOS and that in itself makes it incredibly difficult for me to lose any weight. but easy enough to put on.
last week a new guy started at work. beautiful man, but not only that, a wonderful person. he just graduated college and is now a high school teacher. we hit it off right away. like immediate best friends. we have the same sarcasm and the same morals, etc.
tonight we went out to the bar for a little get together before i move up north. he was terrific! we had so much fun.
but please tell me. what is it about me that guys just look over me. yes, i am overweight. but i have a pretty good reason why, if you would only listen. i have a beautiful face(not to sound cocky). i have a personality. i have goals. i can talk politics. i can talk about enviornmental issues. i can talk about the news, music, movies, etc. you name it. i'm not a stupid person.
YET my wonderful new friend looks right over me and focuses on the skinnest girl in the room who probably couldn't even tell you who our president is.
AH!!!
and don't say well that's the kind of guy that doesn't deserve you then, ali. because i think that's just bullshit.
sorry about the rambling...i just can't help it!
1/2 feeling bad for myself, 1/2 feeling empowered.
let me explain. but don't think i'm dumb..i just need to vent.
i have always been "the fat kid" or as I prefer it, the overweight kid. haha. anyway. i have battled my weight my entire life. when i moved home last winter i lost roughly 40-50 pounds. i was feeling terrific about myself. then one day, someone called me fat again. here i am, 50 pounds lighter and still being called fat. granted i had a long way to go, but still. it really hurt.
i gained some of the weight back because i got depressed. and for those of you who know me at all you know i battle PCOS and that in itself makes it incredibly difficult for me to lose any weight. but easy enough to put on.
last week a new guy started at work. beautiful man, but not only that, a wonderful person. he just graduated college and is now a high school teacher. we hit it off right away. like immediate best friends. we have the same sarcasm and the same morals, etc.
tonight we went out to the bar for a little get together before i move up north. he was terrific! we had so much fun.
but please tell me. what is it about me that guys just look over me. yes, i am overweight. but i have a pretty good reason why, if you would only listen. i have a beautiful face(not to sound cocky). i have a personality. i have goals. i can talk politics. i can talk about enviornmental issues. i can talk about the news, music, movies, etc. you name it. i'm not a stupid person.
YET my wonderful new friend looks right over me and focuses on the skinnest girl in the room who probably couldn't even tell you who our president is.
AH!!!
and don't say well that's the kind of guy that doesn't deserve you then, ali. because i think that's just bullshit.
sorry about the rambling...i just can't help it!
2 Comments:
Ali.. Hey its Mark. Whats up? I just wanted to leave you a message.. Sorry about this guy...Since im a guy I thought I would give you my point of view.. I dont know but some guys need to have the best.. THey need perfection.. BUt thats not all guys.. Look at girls I went out with.. I was with Alicia for 4 years and alot of people would say shes fat.. BUt at the time I saw something no one else saw.. You will meet a guy like that cause your are beautiful.. Your an incredible person!!!Dont forget that!! everyone battles with shit.. and you just have to put stuff aside and say I AM who i am and if you dont like it that im not dealing with you.. Just some guys dont realize what they have until its gone and they dont have it anymore. than they will come back to the real world!! Stick it out ALi.. you will be alright!!
I agree with Mark. You ARE a very beautiful person, and someday some guy will see you for all that you are and fall in love with you instantly. It just seems like a lot of people are blind to some of the greatest things right in front of them. All they seem to look for in a person is phyiscal attributes (i.e. skinny build, blonde hair, blue eyes, big chest, etc. etc.) instead of looking at the person's intelligence and true outer & inner beauty. That's just the hard truth of life I suppose.
I'm not a guy, but if I were...I'd be first in line to have a chance with you. ;-)
Take it easy and don't let this eat away at you. You'll be fine...you're still young and have lots of time to find that 'pefect' guy...if there's ever such a thing as that.
I already sent you an email, but you'll probably just want to ignore it...I did way too much rambling, and now wish I hadn't sent it! :-) Haha.
Later.
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