I once dated this guy named Gabe. I lked to call him Gabeebo, or G-diddy. He was my first true love. My first real experience of a grown-up relationship. He was, my life.

I remember the first time we kissed. I was so nervous! My heart was beating a hundred miles a minute. My palms were sweaty. I was afraid I was going to mess it up. Maybe bite his lip or something. But it was perfect! I didn't screw up at all.

We got together two days before Christmas. Merry Christmas to me! We kissed underneath the mistletoe each year. Christmas was already my favorite holiday until it's meaning became so much greater.

One night Gabe and I walked down the street my apartment was on to play in the snow. We built this huge naked snow lady with big boobs, and, well the whole works. He took a picutre of me making out with her. haha.

We were in love. I remember dancing under the stars to Simon and Garfunkel after a night of drinking and Gabe just looking at me like I was the only person alive. He had tears in his eyes, and so did I. Standing there at that moment, I knew...I would never let this one go.

Tonight I thought of him, like I so often do. I thought of him because a year ago, we broke up. A year has passed.... Sometimes it feels like a million years ago, and other times it feels like just yesterday. Don't get me wrong though, I don't believe he thinks about it at all...

I guess this is just me being sad about all the things I have lost. I let the best thing in my life thus far slip away. And I guess I'm just kicking myself in the ass..and praying it never happens to anyone I know.

The feeling is unbelieveable...nothing I would have chosen.

I miss you...I miss the good times...I miss the petty stupid fights just so we could makeup...I miss the late nights...I miss the beach...I miss our list of places...I miss the smiles...I miss the breath of life.