thank you

on, off, on, off....pick one

pick on

fix this mess

fix me...

everytime i think i am slipping away from doing things i love, i get thrown right back into the mix of things! and i couldn't be more thankful. i felt like i was on a music hiatus. i hated it. i hadn't been to a concert since...who knows when. then finally, i'm back. going to see two awesome shows coming up. godsmack and a perfect circle. also i just started working my tail off for loki. i went from having nothing to do, to setting up the entire line of merchandise for bumstock. so even though i can't sleep yet again, because of a certain situation, and even though it's 3am, i'm still a little bit happy. music is going to get me through this, just like it has done so many times before. i guess i would like to say thanks to the musicians that really mean a lot to me...my new found loki(john and mike), jason levasseur, and gregory douglass.

so now, he gets to be part of the family. he gets to go to thanksgiving, to christmas, to birthday dinners. the absurd, controlling adolescent who thinks he is superior to everyone gets to stand out in the crowd. how is this fair? yes, i know i'm jealous, but who wouldn't be. the somewhat normal girl who is open minded not to mention in love with the family, gets cast aside. how can this be? how can this be? there will be no more birthday dinners, no more surprise visits to the shop, no more christmas, and no more stopping by just to say hi. sometimes i think i'll miss that more than him. his family helped me alot in the past 2 years, and now i'm just cut off. like it's nothing. all i'm left with is the aching of not being with him, the desire to see family, and the image of the other him pushing me further and further from their minds everyday. cuz he's the one that worked out. go figure.